Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Welcome to 2011! Now the journey continues, this year will be full of many emotions, highs, lows and new experiences. Hold on tight and try to enjoy the ride.

I saw little miss Abby on Christmas Eve eve lol. Her and her mom came over to my house for a few hours. This visit was a lot harder than any of my other visits with them and I'm not certain as to why. I'm sure it was a mix of a whole lot of things. Maybe because it was the first time she was at my house, so it kind of made me see that she could've been there with me this whole time, that this would've been her home. I saw her in the environment that she would've been in have I not placed her. It ma also have just been one of those down days... the holidays coming near and me thinking about her not being here with me through the holidays. I think another large part of why it was so hard was because shes getting older. She is starting to do a lot more things than before. She's rolling and laughing and cooing and reacting to her mom, like when I would hold her she always kept an eye on her mom, it became so much more real that S is her mom, not me anymore. I mean I knew it all along and not to sound rude but it kind of felt like a slap in the face. And I know neither Abby or her mom was doing it on purpose or meant to hurt me it just comes with the territory and I know every other birth mother knows what I am feeling.

We all opened presents. S and B got the girls and I christmas jammies and the girls a toy to share lol They got me a necklace, it means a whole lot to me. Its silver with two hearts intertwined. But what meant the most was what the package said. It says something about mother and daughter are never apart despite the distance their connected in the heart. Abby opened her present from me. It was a recordable book from Hallmark. The book was "All the Ways I Love You." It was really cute and I hope as she grows it helps her realize that I love her with everything I have, just like her sisters.

My mom also got see Abby. This was the first time she has seen her since she was born. I could tell my mom wanted to cry, it was hard for her but she enjoyed it. She missed Abby and she fought through the pain and truly enjoyed her time with Abby.

No word yet from Dontay on whether or not he wants to meet her anytime soon. I know everyone is different and he needs time to come around, if he's going to come around at all. Who knows, but for the sake of Abby I hope he decides to be in her life at least somewhat.