UPDATE!!!

He agreed to meet them!! I am just waiting to hear back from here about which weekend works best for them! Im really excited and kinda nervous!

bugh...

Those plans might need to be put on hold... but I don't want them to be!!!! I told Dontay today that the family wants to meet us and that we could do it this weekend or the weekend of the 7th. He said IDK Kaitlin we will have to talk about it. I hate this, I really really hate this!!!! When I first got pregnant adoption was imediately in my mind. I let him know this and he assured me that he would be behind me 100% of the way no matter what I chose to do. Now that adoption is becoming a reality in his eyes and he knows I am set on not keeping this baby.. he's backing away. I don't want to do this by myself I want him there next to me supporting me, like he said he would. I may need to move forward with everything by myself, I am getting to the point where I NEED to tell my mom because I know she will stand next to me and I need that right now! He is making me feel horrible about my decision and I know my mom will raise me up. Maybe I will tell her soon, I am just so scared even though I have no reason to be. I guess if he won't go with me to meet the family, my mom will!! ♥

Untitled...

So I am still in contact with the family! I am going to share a little bit about them...
Their names are Stephanie and Jason Bradley. They live in Indianapolis, just two hours away from me. They have an adopted daughter named Maya, they have an open adoption with her birthmother whose name is Kendall, and I have had the pleasure of talking with her too! This family is so special and they hold a place in my heart! I can't wait to meet them in person, that will be the moment I know if this is the right family I'm sure when I meet them it will just "feel right". I have contacted their adoption lawyer so he can discuss with me a little more about independant adoption since they do not go through an agency. I can't wait to tell them they are the ones I choose! They have made an adoption video and I think when I tell them I want them to adopt my baby I am going to make a video also!

On to me...

I really honestly do not feel like this baby is mine. I know in my heart that God has given this gift to me to give to someone who cannot have children otherwise. Both me and God know that I am not capable of caring for this baby. I have read so many adoption stories and it has given me light that adoption is the right thing for me. I listen to this scripture lullaby cd everyday. I love it. It lets me know that God is here for me and supports me and is giving me the strength to do what needs to be none... He will never leave me! (Hebrews 13:5). I would love to start going to church again and feel the grace of God every week, as I am surrounded by people who love and care for me.

The baby's father is coming over for a few days starting tonight. He says we need to talk about so many things, and I agree. I really hope this baby is on his list of things to talk about. I hope he has come around and has realized that adoption is the best option!


Adoption...

I know this adoption will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I can't begin to imagine the greif I will feel as I leave the hospital empty handed. I know it will get better over time and my daughters will be here with me to make me smile!! I have been looking for support around where I live so I can prepare and have support after it is born. I watched Teen Mom and saw Catelynn go on a birth mother retreat, and I hope that is something I will get to do! The adoption will be especially hard if this baby is a boy because me and the baby's father have both dreamed of having a boy. It will be a harder fight but no matter the sex, adoption will be the best choice.